The "Day After" Myth

We've all seen the part in the movie where the new husband and wife wake up the morning after the wedding.  It goes something like this:

There's a knock at the door.  Room service enters with a beautiful spread of food complete with the bride's favorite egg white omelet, whole grain toast, and a mimosa.  The bride, still in her lingerie from the night before looking beautifully disheveled in the sexy/groggy state says  "Honey, there's someone at the door.  Could you go answer it?"

"Sure baby!" the groom says.  After a moment, in comes the drop-dead gorgeous groom in a black robe with his hair perfectly in place.  "Wow!  Room service?  Did you order this?  And my favorite omelet!  You are amazing, honey!"  She leans over and kisses him lightly which inevitably leads to their 3rd time "doing it" since they arrived last night.  Two hours later they are sitting at the table having their wonderful (cold) breakfast.  He says to his new bride, "I'll clean up, honey.  You go get ready.  We have to leave for the airport in an hour.  Tahiti is waiting for us" he says as he continues to kiss her.  She gets ready and they are off to the airport leaving for their fabulous honeymoon.

What really happens the "day after"...

You wake up in a very normal fashion.  You're a bit groggy and your hair is everywhere.  You may or may not have makeup on but if you do, it's the typical "morning makeup" look that is less than flattering.  You glance over your shoulder to find your new groom!!  You're happy inside because finally you are waking up in the same bed together.  You smile at the thought that you'll get to have this moment every day for the rest of your life!  Excited, you get turned around in the covers to move closer to your new hubby when you notice (for the first time) that he has drool on his pillow!  Ew.  Not only that but he doesn't look quite the same as he did the night before when you arrived at your honeymoon suite.  And he smells...like a boy who's been sleeping for 8 hours.  And speaking of the honeymoon suite, where's the room service with your favorite omelet?  Wasn't he supposed to have ordered it and had it waiting for you by now?  And what about him being showered and smelling good for you?  After all, that's what it was like in the movies and no one had ever told you that it would be anything less than bliss that morning after.  According to the media and Hollywood, you should be having sex for the 3rd time right now because you just simply can't get enough of each other.  A little discouraged but still hopeful, you get up and go to the bathroom and stumble across your image in the mirror.  Whoa.  Hair.  Yikes.  And is that mascara in the corners of your eyes?  Not cute.  You start thinking back on all the "morning after" scenes you've seen where she looks "beautifully disheveled" with her perfect, makeup free, glowing face and all of a sudden, you feel...not normal.  You don't feel like that beautiful bride you were just hours ago.

Eventually your groom wakes up, goes to the bathroom (and stinks it up so that you have to turn on the fan).  Of course you're happy to see him though.  You give him kisses.  He smiles at you and calls you "Mrs."  You love the way it sounds :)  But as you are powdering your face you realize "Shouldn't I be wanting to have sex right now?  Everyone kept telling me how I wouldn't want to leave our honeymoon suite for days, that I wouldn't see the light of day for a week and that I'd never need clothes", while standing in the hotel robe.

You go on about your business and you enjoy his companionship through the day but something seems a little "off".  You aren't used to waking up to this person.  You aren't used to sharing a bed with someone who drools and snores.  You aren't used to getting ready in front of him.  You weren't expecting him to stink up the bathroom!  That never happened in the movies.  And what do you do now, anyway?  What is expected of you?  You realize you're feeling a little awkward.

Ladies, here's the truth.  You feel (or felt) awkward because this is all new!  Until that morning, you had been planning your wedding day for months and months.  You labored over every detail.  The schedule, the flowers, the dress, the music, the photography, the guest list, the food.  Everything was planned and then executed.  It was all you could really think about from the moment he asked you to marry him to the moment you arrived in your honeymoon suite.  You hadn't really thought about "the day after" other than what you'd seen or heard on TV or in the magazines about the feelings you'd have and the activities you'd be participating in.  

How do you go from being your most beautiful, most happy, most BUSY, most high on emotions, most romantic, most excited you've been in your life to a regular Sunday afternoon where the people walking down the street have no idea that you got married yesterday!?  Everyone's life is continuing as usual today, but yours is not.  You are adjusting to one of the biggest changes you'll ever go through in your life.  And on your first day on the job as wife, you're confused.  Because what if you aren't like all the movies you've seen?  What if you don't have the urge to have sex every 5 minutes?  What if your hair is out of control and you have a zit?  What if you feel...let down?  Well, if you feel like that, you are more normal than you know.  And it's O. K.  You're making an adjustment.   All of the things that were so foreign to you the day after your wedding will become the norm in a few weeks.  And here's the secret:  That new norm becomes the most comfortable, loving, safe, romantic aspect of your life.  From now on, that drooling, snoring husband will be your anchor.  Your rock.  Life will change and evolve around the two of you.  You'll go through so many seasons and ups and downs.  But you'll do it together.  And he'll still be the one you wake up to, stinky bathroom and all!!  He's not going to judge your morning hair like the pretentious actor in that movie would.  You don't have to be perfect for him.  You can just be you.  And he can just be him.  That is the real essence of what happened on your wedding day.  So, reflect back on the man that stood up and pledged his life and love to you at the alter.  That is the same man that you woke up to the morning after.  And the days ahead of you will bring many ordinary days and a few extraordinary days.  So jump in!  Enjoy and relax the day after and realize that this is the first day of your new norm. 

Disclaimer:  The issues I discuss in this blog are not the same for everyone.  Some people's experiences are very different than what I will illustrate here.  I'm addressing these issues in general terms based on experiences I've had and that the many women in my life have had.  It has become clear to me that there are many myths out there and that women would be able to enjoy their wedding day and marriage a lot more if they had a more accurate picture painted for them before going into it so that they would know what to expect.